Tuesday, June 07, 2005

monkey business

i've got a monkey, he knows
where the pretty girls go
taps the side of his nose
and says he can't disclose

where they're at
because that
would betray them
(and he wants to lay them)

Friday, June 03, 2005

why i hate my boss

i washed my shoulders twice today
it's nice to keep them clean
and while i washed i watched my boss
invent a time machine

he put it in his little bag
and took it to the fair
and showed it to the passers-by
who had assembled there

they clapped when he had showed them
he giggled and he coughed
and threw the bag into the air
the people watched it drop

it smashed onto my shoulders
and the blood flowed out dark red
i turned round to my boss and smiled
and punched him in the head

Thursday, June 02, 2005

round and round and round again

nascar racing's really dull and boring
that's why they show it early in the morning
to people who can't turn off the TV
and not to normal folk like you or me

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

letter to a farmer

a donkey called Sebastian
who works upon your farm
has not a penny to his name
and can't afford a car

he wants to buy a mini
painted up in racing green
but he doesn't have a chance because
he hasn't got a bean

spare a thought for dear old donkey
spare a kind thought for old Seb
and stop paying him in carrots
give him five-pound notes instead


when i wake up during the night
and feel that something's just not right
i ring my friends and tell them too
i like to keep them in the loop

Sunday, May 29, 2005

i will seduce thee

other boys have lovely looks
but I have read a lot of books
and I can summarise
to save your eyes
won't that be nice?

Friday, May 27, 2005


A man just approached me from out of the fog
He asked me if I preferred foxes or dogs
I said to him dogs and he told me of foxes
Who spend their whole lives living in cardboard boxes

I told him this bored me
But he failed to see
How his incessant fox-talk
Was bothering me

I took off my shoe and I showed him the sole
He rolled up his sleeve and he showed me a mole
I ran from him then, how i ran, how i ran
From the fog-lurking, fox-talking, mole-showing man


I like sleeping
I like sleeping in beds
I like beds because
I like to rest my head
I like to rest my head because
I hold it up all day
I hold it up so I can see
If things are in my way

Thursday, May 05, 2005

What a mental institute

In a derelict asylum

I danced like a loon
to the tune in my head
my head in the tune

while windows were shattered
and ceilings caved in
I bounced round a dancefloor
it calmed me within

and wandered round vaguely
and smiled now and then
at the smile on the face of
my newest old friend

looked up at the clock tower
and monkeys waved down
Hi monkeys, I shouted
the clock spun around

I pulled out my phone then
and spoke very fast
to a man who was standing
right there at my back

I turned to address him
he spoke many words
he spoke them with haste
and the gist of them were

"We must now go forwards
go forwards not back
It's very important
You understand that"

I understood perfectly,
knew this was true
he was sweating profusely
his skin was pale blue

I saw in the distance
the pale light of day
we turned from it and leapt
back into the fray

And so we kept moving
from left foot to right
And so we kept talking
from dawn to daylight

And so we kept dancing
like pigs in a poke
And so we did until
We ran out of smoke